Music Festival 7 Step Survival Guide
September 22nd, 2011
The festival season is upon us again, no stupid it’s not Christmas yet!!! It’s the times of year when live music and camping in the mud, fuse beautifully together into an event which can turn into some of the best days of our unhappy lives. However there are a variety of unfortunate problems which can be encountered which can seriously damage enjoyment of festivals this summer. This is a short tongue in cheek guide on how to prevent these incidents and how to confront them when they arise.
1. Problems With The Tent
Possibly the hardest element of camping is putting then tent up. Tent construction can be made easier by following the instructions and a degree in engineering. Don’t despair if this task proves beyond your capabilities, it is actually possible to stay awake for 5 days.
2. Headline Act Pulls Out
Rock stars these days are far wimpier than in year’s gone by.Bono has pulled out of this year’s Glastonbury claiming he needs back surgery. The solution to this unfortunate problem is getting so inebriated that you believe that the replacement act is actually U2.
3. Getting Lost from your friends
Getting lost from your friends can be an absolutely terrifying experience, the surest way of not losing friends is not having any in the first place. To not have any friends try to behave in an unreasonable and an erratic way at all times, poor hygiene can also go a long way towards achieving this objective.
4. Loss of Ticket
3 years ago I idiotically dropped 5 wireless tickets onto a busy street in the centre of London, when I returned a few minutes later they were still there. This could be down to the honesty and integrity of Londoners, or more likely a reflection of the poor line up that year.
Seriously, keep your tickets very safe as most major festivals will not replace lost tickets under any circumstances.
5. Safety
Even the most passionate of festival fans enjoyment can be tarnished if they die. To avoid death, don’t use illegal substances and limit alcohol consumption. Avoid threatening language and keep your eyes open when walking around.
6. Getting pregnant, or getting someone pregnant
An unwanted baby can ruin lives.
When abstaining from illegal drug use and limiting alcohol consumption the opposite sex appear less attractive and more annoying.
7. Michael Jackson…
Michael Jacksons tragic death occurred during last year’s Glasto. If you are unlucky enough to be at a festival where Michael Jackson dies any time in the future, try to avoid the cheap merchandise exploiting his death for a quick buck.
